Trepidation and Self Intimidation

Yesterday, I took my first run in Central Park for the first time in about 2 years.  It started off not so good....uphill, downhill on the bridlepath.  What was wrong??  My stride was off, I was having difficulty breathing.  My head was running, not my body!  All I kept thinking about was "maybe I shouldn't do the hills - not good for the knee, maybe I should change my stride from toe strike to heel-to-toe, maybe, maybe, maybe.....".  There was so much noise going on in my brain, I couldn't hear my Crystal Method song blasting through my headphones.
.....so, I stopped and started to walk.  I realized I was afraid to run; afraid to damage my knee; intimidated by the trail I have run thousands of times.
Trepidation and Self Intimidation can sabbotage our best intentions.  When this happens, it's time to stop, take a few good deep breaths, and shut the noise off in your brain.  Quite often, that 'voice' in our heads makes up the most incredible stories why we can't do something.  In the end, we self-annihiliate hook, line and sinker.  All in the fabulous little skull we call a brain which is supposed to be intelligent.  Self Intimidation is counter intelligence and self terrorism.
Having thought about all this while walking up to the reservoir, I decided to adopt the Nike slogan and 'just do it'.  Shut off the brain, listen to my music, look at the beautiful reservoir and just run.  There was a man in front of me who was taking a good pace:  about a 9.5 minute mile.  Slow, but steady, I followed him.  I looked at the cherry trees, the clouds, the birds and before I knew it, I had done a loop around the reservoir.  It's approximately 1.3 miles.  Not much at all, but a victory after not being able to run around the block for 2 years.  As I walked through the park back down to 59th Street, I took in my surroundings and appreciated the fact that I have 2 legs, I CAN run, and I tried my best.  Today is another day.  I'm a little sore because I'm not in running condition, but that's o.k.
....I'll be back!
and I'm gonna leave the self terrorism home!!